Happy Birthday in Heaven!

Today would have been my mom's 58th birthday. Today is also the one year anniversary that marks Layla coming home from the hospital after spending 22 days there. I feel as though a year ago today I overlooked my mom's birthday with the excitement of being able to take my daughter home from the hospital. I didn't think a year ago that it would be my mom's last birthday. I wouldn't have guessed that she wouldn't have stayed on this earth long enough to see Layla turn one or to even see Layla sit up. A year ago today my mom also came home from the hospital. I can't remember how long she was in the hospital that time (a few days maybe??), but it was her first extended hospital stay that led to more hospital stays throughout the summer/fall and eventually to her final hospital stay in December.


This picture was taken the day Layla was born. Of course now I wish I had more pictures of her with Layla, but at least I have some! I remember how excited she was to have a grandaughter (since she already had a grandson). And how she suddenly loved the song "Layla" even though she had never heard it before Layla was born:-). Someone she worked with burned her the cd and she played it over and over. She truly loved Layla and although I am sad that she only got to be her grandma for 6 1/2 months, I am happy that she GOT to be her grandma for 6 1/2 months. Even through all of my mom's pain and suffering, she still always had a smile on her face when talking about Layla or Gavin. She loved being Grammy. She was an amazingly loving Grammy, mom and wife.


She been gone just over 6 months already and I still find myself from time to time thinking, oh, I have to tell Mom that. I obviously know that I can't and I realize that before the thought even fully processes. I wonder if that will go away. Probably. But I'll probably always have things that I wish I could share with my mom or things I wish I could ask her. I hope I don't lose that. I don't want to forget her. The main thing lately that reminds me of my mom is the whole Jon and Kate divorse drama as silly as that seems. She would have been so disappointed:-).

I wish I could tell her happy birthday today. But. I. Can't. Instead I will just think about what an amazing day she had today celebrating in Heaven:-).