4 Years

Saturday, December 22 marked the 4th anniversary of my mom's death.  With most things in life, time goes so fast that it hardly feels like "x" amount of years.  But for some reason, with my mom's death, it really does feel like she's been gone for at least 4 years.  So much has happened since she's been gone, such as our family growing (Layla was only 6 months old when my mom died) among other family dynamics changing (like my dad remarrying), which is probably why it feels like it's been awhile. 

It's still weird to think back to her final days on earth.  There was a blizzard here while she was in the hospital, so making the drive out to Spectrum to say good-bye was crazy because people were advised to stay home yet we couldn't because we obviously wanted to be there for that.  And then for her funeral, pretty much everyone in our family had been sick and my grandma (my mom's mom) was still stick at her funeral.  Things like that just really make me question God's timing.  Why would he make it so difficult for us to get to the hospital to say our final good-byes?  Why would my poor Grandma have to be suffering with the flu during her daughter's funeral?  And why only three days before Christmas?  Nobody wants to be planning a funeral when they had planned on enjoying Christmas parties and such just like everyone else.  But now, looking back, obviously we all made it through and those little details don't really matter anymore.  What matters to me now is teaching my kids about who Grammy was as a person and telling them how much she would have loved them and looking forward to the day when we can see her again.  She was a wonderful mom and I can see that even more now that I'm a mom myself.  I feel like I appreciate her more now realizing how much work goes into being a mom and I wish I could tell her that.  Some day I guess.